Hulu's "Are You My First?": Virginity, Politics, and the Changing Landscape of Intimacy in Reality TV

Introduction

“No one believes I’m a virgin” is a recurring statement during the premiere of Hulu’s new dating competition series, “Are You My First?” This reality show, as the hosts assert, focuses on “the largest group of eligible virgins ever assembled” (barring a high - school cafeteria, one might jest). It follows the well - established format similar to shows like “Love Island” and “Too Hot to Handle,” featuring a group of conventionally attractive individuals in their twenties and early thirties sequestered in a tropical, idyllic villa to “find love.”

The Virgin - Centric Twist

What sets this show apart is the blatant addition of the “and have sex” aspect, which is usually more implicit in such shows. All the contestants are sexually inexperienced. Some are guided by religious beliefs, refraining from pre - marital sex. Others have never been in a serious relationship. One contestant, 30 - year - old Miami cocktail waitress Rachael, has a relatively unknown yet surprisingly common medical condition called vaginismus, which can make sex either painful or impossible. Despite these diverse reasons for remaining celibate, each virgin seems determined to find their first sexual partner within the artificial paradise of palm fronds and pineapple - sipping settings.

Contestants' Perspectives

Contestant Katya, a 28 - year - old artist from New York City, lives by the adage “Everything is about sex, except sex, which is about power.” She states, “I haven’t lost my virginity because I don’t lose, period. There’s power in having sex, and there’s also power in withholding. Do you think Anne Boleyn went from lady - in - waiting to Queen of frickin’ England because she put out?”

The Role of Politics

Among Contestants and Viewers

Politics plays a significant role for both the virginal cast members and those watching from afar, like Ida, a 24 - year - old who gained TikTok virality this summer with her admissions about her virginity. Ida says, “My mom was like, ‘I’ll literally pay you to go on dates,’ and I said, ‘You don’t need to pay me. Find me a non - Republican in Orange County.’ She couldn’t do it.”

TikTok and the Cultural Phenomenon

Ida’s videos about dating in New York City, where she candidly discusses her fear of physical intimacy or her first time kissing someone while naked, have been viewed by millions. This occurs at a time when virginity seems to be reaching a new cultural apex.

The Rise of Virgin - Focused Media

“Are You My First?” is the third reality series in recent months to center on virgins, following “Virgin Island” on Channel 4 in the UK and TLC’s “Virgins.” In June, pop singer - songwriter Lorde released an album called “Virgin,” which reflects more of an evolution in self - perception than sexual inexperience. A 2022 survey by the Kinsey Institute and Lovehoney found that one in four Gen Z adults have never had sex, and this generation makes up most of the cast of these reality shows.

Kinsey Institute's Insights

Justin Garcia, the executive director of the Kinsey Institute, posits that while the rates of virginity among Gen Z have slightly increased, the sudden influx of virgins in the cultural spotlight and the fascination with young people remaining abstinent may be more about our willingness to share publicly rather than a change in sexual behavior. He says, “I'm a behavioral scientist, so I often think, 'Has the actual behavior changed, or is it the social context around it?’ I think for a long time, Americans had a lot of shame about not being sexually active. We're seeing that more people are willing to talk about whether they're having sex or not. Rather than saying, 'I'm in a drought,' people are saying, 'I'm having a voluntary celibate period.’ It's not a position of weakness or a position of inability.”

Ida's Perspective

For Ida, who wishes to keep her last name private due to privacy concerns, her virginity is not tied to religion or purity culture. She tells WIRED that she doesn’t view her eventual first sexual experience as something being taken from her; it just hasn’t happened yet. One major reason is that, despite growing up in “extremely conservative” Orange County, California, she isn’t interested in having sex with conservative men. She states, “A big reason why Gen Z isn’t dating that much is because women are getting so much more liberal and men are getting so much more conservative that it’s like, what do we even have in common with each other? If you don’t see women as people, then why would I even be having sex with you?”

Gender Roles and Tension on the Show

The Godwin - Jade Incident

The political gender divide is also the source of some early tension on “Are You My First?” Apart from the typical situation of multiple men pursuing the same woman, drama unfolds around contestant Godwin, a real - estate developer from New Jersey. He tells Jade, a Miss New Orleans USA and former NFL cheerleader, that his love language is “acts of service.” His version involves coming home after a long day as a “provider” and “protector” to his “woman” serving him a home - cooked meal. Godwin says, “I don’t really believe in gender roles, but I believe that the man is to be the head of the family and that, you know, the woman is there to be a helpmate.” Jade expresses discomfort, and later in a confessional, she says, “That doesn’t seem like something that necessarily aligns with me.” Her tagline briefly changes to “Feminist virgin,” but Godwin manages to convince her that he values reciprocity, not subservience.

The Host and the Show's Context

The show is hosted by two former “Bachelor” franchise alums, including Colton Underwood, who was the first lead to identify as a virgin. He later came out as gay and got married. (His former girlfriend from the series obtained a temporary restraining order against him in 2020, which Underwood described as “in good faith” and was later dropped.)

Voluntary Celibacy and Its Motivations

The "Volcel" Movement

For some women who have chosen voluntary celibacy off - screen, disputes like those on the show are at the core of their decision to stop or never start having sex with men. The term “volcel,” referring to someone who is voluntarily celibate, has seen a peak in search interest in recent years, according to Google Trends. While it’s often seen as a spinoff from the toxic, misogynistic “incel” (involuntarily celibate) community, some women find it a way to distance themselves from such men.

Author Sai Marie Johnson's Experience

Author and screenwriter Sai Marie Johnson has written about being voluntarily celibate since 2020. She tells WIRED that the decision came after being married, having children, and experiencing toxic relationships with men. Both she and Ida identify as sex - positive, meaning they don’t view sex as shameful, but are cautious about how men can use sex and relationships against them. Johnson says, “Our climate right now has allowed men to be emboldened in their practice of misogyny. Conservatism is trying to foster a more puritan society after we had done all this to push sex positivity for the past decade.” She also mentions reproductive coercion, such as the inability to access abortion, as a key reason women are turning to voluntary celibacy. She adds, “I think it also has to do with mothers like me, who’ve been through these things, going to our daughters and going, ‘Look, this is what my mom didn’t teach me.’” Her 23 - year - old daughter is a virgin.

The Male Perspective on Intimacy

Michael's Struggles

As the contestants on “Are You My First?” explore these dynamics, it becomes clear that some men aren’t as comfortable pursuing women, even when the women are interested. On the first night, Rachael, the woman with vaginismus, makes her interest in Michael, a stand - up comedian, known. He reciprocates but confesses that he is still grappling with a fear of intimacy. It’s ironic that people like Michael, who are afraid of sex, are now encouraged to work through that fear publicly on television in highly - manipulated social experiments.

Cultural Reasons for Lack of Sex

Magdalene Taylor, a sexual culture critic and editor at Playboy, says, “There are a lot of other cultural reasons that young people are not having sex that don’t really correlate at all to conservative politics or religion or a lack of awareness about sexuality. I think a lot of young people are trading these usual markers of adulthood for a more digitized life. We’re having fewer in - person social interactions, and sex is a natural part of that.”

Ida's Reality TV Involvement

After Ida’s TikTok videos about virginity went viral, she received a DM from someone involved in reality TV production casting. She can’t share details, but she participated in the filming of a pilot episode the day before “Are You My First?” premiered. The new series isn’t a competition, and it would offer more personal context about her journey. Ida says, “My mom, literally every week she calls me, she goes, ‘Are you done embarrassing yourself on the internet?’ With TikTok and reality TV, if you have the opportunity to talk about your sex life or lack thereof and have it be the reason you perhaps have a career, why wouldn’t you do it?”