The Struggle to Mend Political Divides Through Book Clubs

I. Introduction: The Genesis of a Book Club Idea

The notion of initiating a book club dawned on Valeen Heinle during a late - night episode in July. This occurred amidst a particularly acrimonious argument with her Trump - supporting father regarding Israel's war in Gaza and its harrowing effects on children.

Valeen, a 38 - year - old registered Democrat working as a pet sitter in Denver, after a series of Instagram DM exchanges about Gaza, pleaded with her father: "I'm begging you to just try and learn something that isn't from Facebook, Fox, or Newsmax. Read a book on the history there. I have numerous suggestions, but I know you'd never do it because you'd rather remain ensconced in your confirmation bias, and that saddens me deeply."

Her father responded, "I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about my children. Pondering what the future holds for them. So, when my kids are safe and well - cared - for, perhaps then I could spare a thought for other kids."

II. The Multifaceted Divisions

Gaza is merely one of the many issues that have polarized Americans, including Valeen and her father. They've engaged in heated arguments over a gamut of topics such as the Covid - 19 vaccine, climate change, gun laws, the 2020 election results, and the January 6 Capitol riot.

Valeen remarks, "Ever since 2016, he seems to be gravitating further and further to the far right. He's become clouded by hatred and anger, traits that are uncharacteristic of him. It's increasingly difficult, not just to debate with him, but it's emotionally painful, and some of his statements truly shock me."

However, her father's response during their Gaza discussion was a tipping point. It distressed Valeen so profoundly that when her partner returned home that evening, he found her weeping on their Ikea sofa in the living room. They engaged in a lengthy conversation, and to distract her, they gathered animal crackers and Chips Ahoy cookies and watched an anime episode on her laptop.

III. The Book Club Proposal

At around 3 am, after the anime episode ended, Valeen sent a message to her father, who now resides in central Florida. "Alright. I'll make you a deal: you read three books of my choosing, cover - to - cover, and demonstrate that you've actually read and comprehended them. In return, I'll go back to church for a month."

IV. Similar Struggles on Reddit

Reddit is replete with accounts from individuals like Valeen, who claim that the current political climate has strained their relationships with their Trump - supporting parents. In some instances, people have likened their families' involvement in the MAGA movement and blind loyalty to Trump to being part of a cult, a comparison also made by cult experts.

Some, however, believe they can potentially salvage these relationships and even "deprogram" their MAGA - supporting parents by establishing de facto "book clubs." For example, one Reddit user posted on the popular subreddit r/suggestmeabook, seeking "good reading materials for someone who may need some assistance in being gently guided back towards reality and morality" - their father. They specifically requested recommendations for fantasy books, a genre their father had previously enjoyed, stating, "I've always felt fantasy books have 'progressive' values, and I'm hoping to find some that don't overly force the message." In another subreddit, someone else asked for book recommendations to send to their father "in an attempt to deprogram him from the cult of Trump."

Conversely, others have reached a breaking point and had no alternative but to go "no contact" with their parents. A study revealed that one in two adults is estranged from a close relative, with political differences cited in one - fifth of these cases. Nearly half of those estranged due to politics said the rift occurred within the past year.

V. Personal Accounts of Estrangement

Dominique Forbes, 28, informed WIRED that she has minimized contact with her parents, who live in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, due to their unwavering support for Trump since 2016. She hasn't seen them in person since May 2020. Forbes remarks, "I personally view MAGA as a cult. I've experienced firsthand the identity fusion and cognitive dissonance from my parents." She attempted to discuss the topic via Facetime in November, around the time of the election. "My dad erupted, saying he felt attacked. I was determined to be gentle and remain calm, but I could see the identity fusion - he couldn't separate himself from Trump."

There were plans for her parents to visit her in Seattle, Washington, earlier this year. She was looking forward to it and introducing them to her cats. However, when she informed them she didn't want them to stay with her to establish boundaries, their visit plans soon fell through. Forbes states, "I've learned it's not my responsibility to educate them. I believe they're brainwashed, and there may be underlying health issues contributing to it. I've finally reached a point of exhaustion, having been pushed away and rejected so many times that I'm now planning some form of no - contact."

VI. Insights from a Cult Expert

Steven Hassan, a cult expert who escaped a cult in 1976 and has authored several books on deprogramming, including The Cult of Trump, emphasizes that there's no one - size - fits - all approach to helping a loved one who has been brainwashed. He analogizes it to not being like replacing a faulty car component, stating, "The mind is precious. I need to understand how he got ensnared. As a mental health professional, I've learned that to effectively influence a person, one must customize the approach for the individual."

Hassan offers advice on what not to do: "It's crucial to understand that the MAGA identity is intertwined with Trump and its ideology. Attacking the leader, doctrine, or policy of any cult is counterproductive, as it prompts the cult identity to label you as an enemy persecuting them."

He further adds, "For years, I've advocated staying warm and loving. Avoid saying 'you're stupid' for following Trump or 'you're a moron.' Instead, be warm and say 'I don't understand, help me see things from your perspective.' The most potent technique is to pose questions that empower the person to think and reflect." Another vital aspect of effective deprogramming, according to Hassan, is to remind the person of who they were before being brainwashed.

VII. Valeen's Family Background and Her Hope

Valeen grew up in Pompano Beach, Florida, north of Fort Lauderdale, and was raised in the Evangelical church. Her father, whom she regards as her best friend and hero, served in the Marines during Ronald Reagan's administration in the 1980s and later ran a glass business.

Debating current affairs was once a cherished pastime for them. However, a few years ago, her father suffered a pulmonary embolism, leaving him in poor health and often struggling to breathe. Valeen attributes his more extreme views, in part, to his isolation, depression, poor health, and exposure to divisive online content. She fears he's being drawn into a political belief system characterized by misinformation and cruelty.

Her father, John, claims they get along well, despite "occasional difficulties in our conversations. We're on different political spectrums. I raised her to be a free thinker, to have her own path and ideas, not mine."

In her early twenties, Valeen briefly moved to Australia for a long - distance boyfriend she met on Facebook. He started reading Richard Dawkins’ The Greatest Show on Earth about evolution. Valeen recalls, "I'd jokingly call it 'your devil book.'" As he delved into it, she became increasingly intrigued and eventually read it herself. She says it challenged her entire belief system, opening her eyes to a new way of thinking and teaching her the power of books to change minds. She left the church at 25.

Valeen states, "Reading has had a profound impact on my life. I hope it can not only teach him something or make him consider things he wouldn't normally, but also, presented with data and references from someone who has studied, it might be easier for him to understand and trust."

She knew that promising to go back to church, even for a short time, would be a powerful bargaining chip. John remarks, "She completely changed. First, I noticed she said she was agnostic, then atheist. I was like, what?" He attributes many of Valeen's misfortunes, such as financial struggles and health problems, to her lack of faith. Valeen says, "I live in poverty, and he has a strong bootstraps mentality. So, he blames any misfortune in my life on my leaving Christianity."

John expresses his current concern: "My health isn't great, and it would be reassuring to know that when I pass away, I'll see my daughter again. She says I'm using a guilt trip, but I'm just trying to say it would make me feel better."

Hassan emphasizes the importance of reciprocity when trying to reach a brainwashed loved one: "The goal isn't to determine who's right or wrong, but to learn and, out of love, pursue the truth."

VIII. Valeen's Book Selections and the Outcome

Valeen wants her father to read The Hundred Years’ War on Palestine by Rashid Khalidi, Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation by Kristin Kobes Du Mez, and Poverty, by America by Matthew Desmond, which examines the systemic causes of poverty in the US.

In choosing these books, Valeen aimed for "non - combative" titles. She admits, "It's been arduous to persuade him, as he doesn't want to read anything that contradicts his beliefs. I essentially kept pressing the deal, reminding him that he really wants me to go to church." Eventually, after some negotiation, he agreed.

Valeen is estranged from the rest of her family. Her sister believes the Earth is flat, and her cousins called her an "abomination" and said she was "going to hell" when she came out as pansexual. However, she remains hopeful of re - establishing common ground with her father. "My dad is the only constant in my life. I won't give up on him."

And her father told WIRED, "I'll read 'em. I've got the time."